The Return To Work After Maternity Leave: Trying Not to Tip Over While Navigating Being a Mother, Wife, and Friend While Making Time For Yourself
ven reading the title of this blog post, I am utterly exhausted. Millennial parents, typically mothers (or the "default' parent), of today have so many pressures on their plate to do it all. I'll call myself out now: I'm going stereotypical, but unfortunately, it is how 90% of households I'm exposed to operate. Don't feel left out, Fathers; your roles have evolved and you have added pressures too - there has been a shift to be more present and engaged with your children. A lot of you have stepped up to the plate. However, the default parents' roles have evolved too. Our plates have piled up so high it's impossible to see over. So what do you do when it's time to return to work out of necessity for financial reasons or your sanity?! How do we find balance and figure this out?!
The Problem With Doing It All
Mother’s/default parents used to be solely responsible for maintaining a household and our children – even with that, there was seemingly less pressure to play and engage with our children 24/7. I’ll blame social media. We think our children won’t grow up enriched or develop at an appropriate pace if we aren’t constantly talking to our babies, pulling up flashcards, playing peek-a-boo, reading them books, and the list goes on. Most of the maintenance of a household still tends to fall on us – are there enough diapers to last through the week, what are dinners, snacks, lunches, and breakfasts for everyone, when was the last time the sheets were washed, is the laundry overflowing, what am I stepping on – we need to vacuum. You know the never-ending thoughts. We’re also the ones who happen to know where everything is even when we haven’t seen it for weeks – the mustard, the remote, that Paw Patrol piece that’s blue and with yellow polka dots – we are the keepers of all things. Oh, but don’t forget, we also need (or want) to work – the world’s become an expensive place and to afford anything single-parent incomes generally no longer work. Don’t work too much, though; you’ll miss your children’s milestones. In addition to your children and work also prioritize your marriage, friends, and yourself (but here are some easy self-care ideas). Godspeed.
How To Maintain Some Semblance of Balance When Going Back to Work
Our parents don’t live in town, so we don’t have that traditional avenue of help. It may seem like I have it together, but that’s only because we have a nanny who takes many to-do’s off my plate. She takes amazing care of our children, helps with meal prep, cleans our house when she has free moments, folds our laundry, and the list goes on. She keeps this house in order, and, without her, I would lose my mind. I know a nanny isn’t a feasible reality for everyone, but where you can find the extra help, through a house cleaner, babysitter, task rabbitter, or otherwise, do it. For your sanity and to free up some of your time for other things you want to/have to do.
Work With Your Partner on Balance
This one was the trickiest conversation to have, coming from someone who sucks at communicating on a personal level and sucks even more at expressing my needs. However, when starting this blog we didn’t have a nanny. Instead, I was taking on another task – one I needed for me. I wanted to be able to do something that I would be proud of and consistent with which meant working during nap times wasn’t going to be sufficient and would only cause frustration. So, my husband and I sat down and had a conversation about how this was going to be feasible. This was key. Not only did it reassure me, that he was also taking my business seriously, but it also provided me with a sense of relief. I was getting to do something for myself again. I set my “working hours” over the weekend when he was home. He took Sloane out on adventures in the morning or afternoons on Saturdays, and that’s when I was able to sit down uninterrupted to work even if it was only a little bit of time. It wasn’t ideal – missing out on family time with all three of us – but it worked and kept me sane.
The Take Home
When you’re starting a new adventure, need space from the children, or feel overwhelmed with the cleaning and laundry, think about the help you need. Whether it be from your partner, parents, a babysitter, nanny, cleaners, or anyone else, it doesn’t matter. The key to getting you help is to set a schedule so you can plan your time accordingly. Some things will still fall by the wayside, and it’s hard to be ok with that, but we are starting with baby steps and getting you back into a groove of family/work/life enjoyment while taking on your new adventures back to work!
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